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surveyyy...i'm going to start writing EVERYDAY.   
10:46pm 30/06/2004
  surveyyy...i'm going to start writing EVERYDAY.


JUST THE FACTS;
full name: Chelsey Rebecca Davis.
dob: sept 7
nicknames: chels, pretty much it.
parents names: dennis and sharon.
brothers and sisters names: nate and nicole.
pets: evee, foxy, smudge, speckle. two dogs, two geckos.
eyes: aqua with contacts, baby blue without.
height: 5'9''
hair color: dirty blonde. NOT fully blonde.
hair length: long.

FAVORITES:
color: red or blue.
tv show: real world.
song: remember when by alan jackson.
band: Hmm...
cd: Ahh...stop with the music shit. ANYTHING COUNTRY.
drink(alcoholic): bud light--but I don't drink.
drink(non-alcoholic): Water with a lemon in it.
food: uhhh, burger king fries.
place: bar harbor at the beach.
friend: Lindsay or Sarah.
cigarette: ew.
cigar: ew.
drug: ew.
topic: ehhh..not sure?
gadget: cell phone.
singer: alan jackson, toby keith, travis tritt.
channel(TV): Country ones.
channel(RADIO): 106.5 104.7 99.1 <---hell yes.
place of sleep: Anywhere I can fall asleep with someone :-/
meal: nana's spaghetti.
animal: i wish i had a horse.
thing you've done: bunji jump
person: him.


EITHER OR:
pepsi coke: diet coke.
water coffee: coffee
coffee tea: coffee
mall movie: depends who it's with.
mcd or bk: bk
country rap: COUNTRY!!!
fries or onion rings: bk fries.
base/basketball: basketball.
lake ocean: ocean--beautiful.
friend or boy/girlfriend: if it's him, boyfriend. if not, friend.

LAST TIME:
swimming: a few hours ago.
sleeping: i can't.
watched movie: now...i can't wait for butterfly effect.
listened to music: now.
tanning: a few hours ago.
driving: haha, a few days ago..by myself with no license :)
drunk: eh, not sure.
high: a long time ago.
sex: a long time ago.
cried: a few hours ago...pulling myself together.
running: a few minutes ago.
working out: lil bit ago...i'm all gross.
showering: for the first time in 2/3 days, a few hours ago.
camping: eh, a little bit ago?
in love: no comment.
eating: eh, little bit ago.
had a best friend: now.

HOW MANY HAVE YOU:
slept with: one
cried with: not sure.
drank with: a lot in my past.
smoked with: a lot in my past.
slept alongside of: i wish there was someone now.

HAVE YOU EVER:
been in love: not sure and no comment.
been drunk: yes--a long time ago.
been high: yes--a long time ago.
had sex: yes--a long time ago.
gone crazy: haha, well let's see here.
wanted to die: can't say that anything's been that bad.
undergone surgery: yeah, sadly.
been tested for STD/STI: yes.
been extremely sick: yes.
been near death: yes.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Uhh...yeah, I had a perfect day yesterday??		  
     Read 7 - Post
 
Careless...   
02:21pm 09/05/2004
  ridiculous. i'm stuck here. concluding this fact only determines more and more of the person that i've come to be. i strive to be everyone's idea of perfect, when in reality, i only succeed to the happiness of half. you will never make everyone happy in life, so please don't try or you'll slowly fall apart. you will never make everyone happy in life, so please don't try or you'll slowly fall apart. everyone here is so overrated. people that act one way and say that i mean so much, when once my eyesight is focused somewhere else, they are somewhere else. i must really make myself out to be someone completely unstable. i must really be causing everyone just so much fucking lethality. well, consumed within the rythmic beatings of your very heart, i've heard it all. i've heard the way that you're heart jumps when her name is passed around. i've heard your eyes creak out of their position to watch her. when i'm not around, what are you doing. what do you do. what can i say. what do i do. what am i doing. careless overall i suppose. indignance, and fury overcome some people, you know. perfect. who is? me? that'd be amusing and bittersweet. you? that'd be insanity. what would you do with it. i think i would buy you everything you want, for apparently, love just isn't enough. it's NEVER FUCKING ENOUGH. so you, YOU SORRY FUCKING BASTERD, can GO FUCKING INSANE INSIDE YOURSELF. FOLLOW THE LEADER, FOLLOW THE LEADER, FOLLOW THE LEADER, FOLLOW THE LEADER, FOLLOW THE FUCKING LEADER YOU FUCKING HEADCASE.

So boys and girls...how's life going? Mine's wonderful. Posies and daisies as you can probably tell. I'm so in love with life. It's perfect. I dance in this pretty fields everynight. They're surrounded by water so that no one can leave the land of perfect. I walk into a different world whenever I want, and I have magical powers too. I'm not crazy. I don't suffer insanity either. it's fun. it's really fun. I dance. I love to dance. I love dancing. I danced. Wow.

Sometimes

I

Scare

Myself.

""Go to your room and think about what you've done""I've been keeping busy. So busy. Busy busy busy. I've been here, there, all around, everywhere. hospitals with people who might not even live to see the world around them the next day, yet i think my life is just so very FUCKING BAD. Selfish, and i hate it. I've been down a path behind my house. I always used to think that if I walked long enough, I'd be at a beach. I remember I even told Ashley Deschaine that a long time back. That if we walked far enough together, as friends, we would be at a beach with an ocean and sand that feels like silk and the clouds would be close that we could touch them. I used to feel like that when I was little. I loved being little. I used to walk with my dad holding hands in our yard, and we'd plant flowers together and watch them grow side by side. I planted a flower yesterday. At Katies. In her yard. And I want to watch it grow. By myself. Just to see if I feel any differently watching it alone, as opposed to watching it beside my dad. all kids grow up with some sort of motive to their life. motives such as being like their mom, or being distinctly the opposite of their mom. or being someone who grows up to help people and fix their broken hearts and their scraped knees, and some that grow up to want to murder and hurt and destruct everyone around them because they don't have the FUCKING COURAGE to destruct themselves. they're selfish. then again, i guess murderers are selfish in both ways in that context. Murders would be selfish to kill everyone around them and not kill themselves, but they'd also be selfish to kill themselves and leave the rest to wonder why. there isn't a suicide note long enough to explain why. there isn't a suicide note long enough to explain reasoning behind why you took your own life away, and left all the people around you to wonder. wonder if they caused it. if they were there for you, would you be gone. or if they had given you that extra minute on the phone with them telling your story, would you be dead? buried six feet under is too much for me to think of. I'd rather be ashes. because everyone could take a piece...anyone who THOUGHT that they were my friends. i just lost a good thought that i was going to write. i hate when that happens.


byebye kids.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
Oh boy :(   
09:27am 17/04/2004
  I came across a picture of the way my mind used to be tonight while digging through my past with you. I pressed the key into lock and turned it with what may have been my dose of willpower for the week, only to gasp at the memories that lay there, screwed up and tainted now that I’ve come to my senses. People are spiders. They work to their full extent and power to weave a web of knives and thorns inside my stomach just to see the bloody tears and watch my face get estranged with pain. The like life like this though, and they wouldn’t have it any other way because they prefer walking in the dark backwards rather than standing on a flat surface of safety. Oh, confusion. I k new I should of brought a map with me to this new state of mind for I am already lost. Drama, drama, drama… “She stands tall on a pedestal but she’s too dramatic and teary.” Well, let me allow you to fulfill yourselves with a piece of history that should be testified in court before a panel of jury members and judges who have the common misconception of knowing the feelings twisting inside me when it happened, and the pain I felt when it ceased, and the burden of wonder and curiosity on my shoulders: a piece of me is gone and I will never return to the body of a twelve year old, the age my insides were ripped out piece by piece and they stabbed their devil-like hands into my body, and twisted out my heart and stomach to watch and try to understand why I acted as I did. You will never understand, nor do you try to understand, as you should, for if you did, I would hear your talk about it directed towards me not your accomplices. The piece of me is gone. It ran-away like I do. It dissolved from within me but you stole it you piece of shit. You fucking asshole, I wish you would fucking rot away in hell like I have been, tied down by the chains of rumor and gore…watching your fucking heart get set on fire by a scorching match and seeing the blood blow up at your face and you have to blink it out of your eyes. So die. Just die, and if you can’t do it naturally, do it yourself. So young and crazy, that was my disorder. Young and crazy because I thought that my life was just so bad, and I thought that everything was only happening to me. I took daily routines for granted. But now, you sick fuck, I don’t have to worry about those routines of normality, for I’m rotting away piece by piece by piece in my chamber…just withering off into a deep darkness. Now, you don’t know fear until you’ve shaken hands with the demons of hope and prayer, which qualify as the two most detrimental aspects of any one person, for if you have no hope or prayer, you have no defeat. I never signed anything to get myself into this, so, WHY GOD, MAY I ASK, ARE YOU SLAUGHTERING ME. WHY AM I LIVING IN THIS ASYLUM KNOWN AS MY BODY? SHALL I REMAIL AS THIS MINOR BITE OF CRAZY IN THIS WORLD OF PATHETIC FOOLS WHO WISH NOTHING MORE THAN TO SWAY ON THE BRANCHES OF MY SADNESS? Lethal, lethal, lethal…not again, I plead, I plead, I plead.  
     Read 3 - Post
 
Rough night for sleeping...   
12:46pm 10/04/2004
  Alright...so Sarah created me a LiveJournal...oh hell yes :) Ah...
Last night's happenings were as follows:

1: Went to tennis.
2: Sarah came over.
3: Ate chicken parmesan meal...mmm.
4: Went to the sister's homefront :)
5: Went to Katie Weitman's house...fucking huge.
6: Watched "Requiem for a Dream" and became disturbed and was speechless for hours...I've never felt such a heavy impact over a movie in my life...
7: Went to bed at about 3am...thought about certain people and drifted off...sleep...much needed.

I've been up since 8 and I don't know what's going on today for anyone so hit up the cellular if you get any ideas for this weekend...852-3604.

Blah,
Cheliqua...(heh)		  
     Read 4 - Post
 
  senses_fail_me
 
 

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